“HENRY” HAS RAMPAGE; PUTS FOUR MEN OUT

One of my happy diversions is perusing old newspapers. The language and expressions take some getting used to, but once you’re familiar with them, the articles are a real treat.

Here’s a synopsis for those who’d rather skip the full article: This comic account describes four Hillsboro men attempting to start a Ford Model T one Sunday morning using the hand crank, never a simple task, and one that a starter (an optional feature at the time) would have spared them entirely.

Emil Roy made the first attempt at cranking the car; the handle kicked back and broke a bone in his hand. John Dodge went next and cracked two bones in his forearm trying. Jim Bettis was the third to try and broke his arm. Mechanic Thomas, confident he knew how to handle a stubborn Ford, went last, and came away with a broken hand of his own.

Out of healthy limbs, the four called it a day and headed off to a couple of different doctors for care, injured men and doctors alike sharing in the humor of the whole unfortunate affair.

A HALF HOUR OF SPREE-Furnishes Work for Drs. Smith and Dinsmore, Gets Mechanic

A Henry Ford in the Bettis Auto Livery went on a rampage Sunday forenoon. In the stillness of a Sabbath morning, when Henry wanted to be unmolested in his devotions, four men met grief when they tried to crank him for a trip out in the country. “Henry” was determined, and when he goes “loco” he has an Eastern Oregon cayuse faded. Jim Bettis tells the story of the quartet who were put hors du combat:

“We had an order for a little run out in the country. Emil Roy first tried his hand at the machine. He turned it over a time or two when the Henry kicked back with the net result that Emil had his hand badly bruised, with one small bone fractured in the back of it. That naturally made us sore, and John Dodge told Emil he should be ashamed to let a Ford put a big bird like him out of business.

“John took a fall out of the machine, and after a whirl or two, bing, two bones were cracked in his forearm. This just naturally made me hot in the collar, and I tackled it myself. Henry looked at me rather meek-like, for I had given him many tussles and came out ahead. I primed him good, took him by the nose with one hand and whirled the crank with the other. Henry struck back with fervor, and the first thing I knew my arm hung limply by my side with one bone fractured. It was certainly a successful Sunday morning, with Henry still batting 1000 per cent.

“Mechanic Thomas came along just then and gave us all the ‘hee-haw.’ Thomas was quite gleeful over our discomfiture, and remarked, ‘Why, boys, you just naturally don’t understand the nature of the brute. Why, I’ve bull-dogged and hog-tied those machines every day since heck had his eyes open, and my record in breaking a Henry to ride is five seconds by my Waterbury watch. Watch me bull-dog him for you.’ Thomas then cut a pigeon-wing, spat on his hands, shook his fist at Henry and clinched. There was just one round when the referee held up Henry’s right wheel, proclaiming him the victor. Thomas had a bone broken in the right hand.”

Dr. Dinsmore set Bettis’s fractures, and Dr. E.H. Smith took care of the other three. Both of the M.D.’s were a long time getting the boys fixed up, for they worked slow from laughter, for each had wrestled with Fords for lo, these many years, and knew their natures.

Monday morning, Henry threw the cylinders over the first thing and sang like a bride-to-be. It was just a plain case of Sunday sulks.

August Tews, an authority on Fords, says that a starter doesn’t cost as much as a doctor’s bill, and Aug. knows, for when he whispers in Henry’s ear nothing on the highway can pass him, just ask August, “By Jukeys!”